Tears of _______

Let me start by painting a word picture for you: Imagine a teenage Indian girl, wrapped up in her red blankie on her bed with her surface open in front of her. She just had an amazing day full of activity and laughs…yet here she is at the end of the day with tears streaming down her face like there’s no tomorrow. But you look at her and oddly enough, she isn’t sad…she’s actually laughing. Why? Because she has absolutely no idea why her eyes decided to spontaneously leak (yet again) but it’s happening anyways.

Yes dear reader, that was me about ten minutes ago and somehow that’s me every night. Sometimes it’s because I’m sad but 90% of the time I have no reason to cry, I just do anyways. It’s like my eyes are on some sort of magic timer, and at precisely 11pm every night they decide it’s time to open the gates and let the waterworks do their thing.

My boyfriend says it’s no wonder I’m constantly dehydrated…I cry for practically anything and everything. And it’s honestly totally true! I cry at the simple things like videos of bunnies wearing knit hats. I cry at the real things I face day to day, like depression and loneliness and insecurity. I cry in empathy for others, like a friend losing a loved one, or watching someone die in a film. I cry at the beautiful things…more often than not that thing is music or poetry.

I cry at everything…and yet I cry at nothing. My day could have gone by without a single bad incident, no tremors or hurtful words, but somehow the day always closes with me bawling my eyes out into a pillow. Most people end their day with a good book, or with a nice warm cup of tea, or a TV show – but not me.

I think I’m beginning to figure it out…crying has always been my way of expressing any and every type of emotion out there (fear, happiness, stress, nostalgia, and many more), but more importantly it’s my way of coping with what I believe is a difficult life. There’s something about it that is just so relieving…it’s a way to end the day free of irrationality and heavy burdening emotion. I end my days in peace and tranquility, only to wake up, hit the reset button, and wait for it to happen all over again.

Crying is never a bad thing – when it comes down to it, crying has always just been a coping mechanism. Whether it is reserved only for the worst of situations, or becomes the go-to relief, crying is not a bad thing. It is not cowardly, it is not weak, it is not pathetic. To cry is to show courage. To cry is to show the world that you are brave enough to use the purest coping mechanism known to man. And it is pure…crying is harmless, it is something we humans have been doing since the moment we entered this world. It is, in no way, shameful.

I will end with this: It is better to cope in this way than by acting violent, or by verbally hurting others, or by hurting yourself. Whether you cry on someone’s shoulder, or into a pillow, or into your shaking hands, do not be ashamed.

Ro ♥


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